Brain matter.

I feel like it is important to grow your brain.  Every day if possible.  Just continually challenge yourself, learn new things, that kind of thing.  But, as many of you know, I am a stay at home mom to two boys (and, ahem, part time photographer http://www.jennifermcham.blogspot.com/).  Sometimes it can be a bit challenging to come up with a list of things I am learning by wiping boogies, wiping bottoms, and making PB&J's.  AND YET, I still feel called to stay at home with our boys.  So I have made a list of things I *have* learned in the last five years as Household Manager Extraordinaire.  Prepare yourselves.  It is a mightier list than even I anticipated.

1. RoundUp is actually not harmful to humans, even when shot directly into the mouth.
2. Peach pits are toxic, but only when CHEWED.  If they are swallowed whole there is no danger unless it doesn't, um, exit the body in 2-3 days.  Proceed as necessary.
3. X-rays can not detect small amounts of glass in your child's stomach.  If your child chews and swallows glass (say, while licking up a shattered jelly jar,) you will spend a lengthy amount of time sharing your story with several curious doctors and nurses, have a few x-rays done just for good measure, and be told to go home and look for blood in the stool.  Again, proceed as necessary.
4. Your age has nothing to do with your ability to clog a toilet.  In fact, the smaller you are, the greater your chances are at successfully lodging a variety of toys in the pipe.  I'm pretty sure this is one of those creative things they talk about disappearing with our art classes. 
5. Do not be alarmed if you see one of these in your shoe, on your kitchen counter, or tucked suspiciously under your covers.  Chances are that it is just a toy. 

6. No matter how well you prepare yourself, your child will say something loud, obnoxious, and/or completely embarassing in public and you will be mortified.  Don't be fooled into thinking this will never happen to you.  The truth is that it is only a matter of how many times it will happen to you. 
7. If you are pregnant with a boy, start educating yourself now.  Put down all those baby books and focus on what's really important.  I'm talking about trucks, tractors, cars, dinosaurs, trains, bugs, Transformers (good luck there), Star Wars, and all things disgusting.  It's a long list and they will learn it faster than you will because they will be OBSESSED.
8. Stop trying to pretend that farts aren't funny.  When you live in a house with all boys, you will lose this battle every time.  Besides, farts are funny anyway.
9. Always back up your ipod.  Always.  Every single night.  You never know when one of your technology-savvy children might erase an app with a grocery list, your contact list, or (gasp), your calendar.
10. You can not UN-cut a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  Or a banana.  Or an apple.  You get the idea.
11. Be prepared to see your heart physically walking outside your body.  This is what happens when you have a child.  You will see your heart miss a goal at the soccer game, fall and scrape his knee, or help a total stranger.  Nothing can prepare you for this.

This is the life I chose.  While there are days when I question WHY, I know these are things I never would have learned sitting behind a desk.