Identity.

Lately God has been drawing me towards the question - WHO AM I?  What is my identity?  What is my purpose here?  Have any of you ever been stuck on this question??  What did you decide and how did you get there?

When I was younger my purpose was to please my parents.  Get good grades, make good choices, do the right thing.  (This changed a bit in high school but I digress...)

When I went to college my purpose was to please my parents and myself.  It so happened we wanted the same things:  good grades, good choices, etc. etc. to pave the way for, what?  A good life.

So what is a good life?  What was my goal for a "good life"?  I believe it was to find my "soul mate", have a few kids, and live happily ever after.  Because that's what it's all about right?

I got married, lived a little, worked a few years - My purpose was to be a good spouse, employee, and friend.

For the last few years I have had the pleasure and honor of being a mommy.  My purpose has been to keep two little rug rats alive and well.  Work with Mark to make the tough choices about education (present and future), church membership, family commitments, and such.  This is by far the most challenging "purpose" I have had yet.  

Oh, and continue to be a good spouse, friend, and worker, and make good choices in order to please, oh, everybody in the whole wide world.

Then last week we signed the rug rats up for school in the fall.  Tristan started kindergarten this year which means he goes every day, all day.  Pierce will start going five mornings a week in the fall.  Which means...  what for my "mommy" purpose?  Am I still needed??  Do I still have a PURPOSE??

And then it hit me.  I am placing my purpose in the wrong things.  THINGS are fleeting.  They come and go.  Grades come and go.  Children come and go.  Sometimes spouses come and go.  But GOD does not.  God is constant.

My purpose is to be on a journey to be everything God created me to be.  My purpose is to grow fruit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control).  My purpose is to use the gifts God has given me to grow his kingdom and to be always "on call" and ready to hear His whisper.

Maybe that is being a Mommy or a friend or a listener to a total stranger for one moment.  Maybe it's all of those things.  But my purpose is not over until God calls me home.